kembali dalam kesendirian

menatap senja yang beranjak malam

berkawan laut, matahari, dan camar yang pulang

mencari sisa bayangmu dalam deburan ombak

sekejap angin laut antarkan harum tubuh mu

saat kau tertawa di sisiku.

saat ku berkabung atas matinya cinta

tatapan mu mampu sembuhkan luka yang belum mengering

mungkin Tuhan kirim mu untuk ku

keluguanmu hancurkan kesombonganku

kerling manjamu hancurkan ego yang menahun

andai kamu tahu…..

sejak senja itu semuanya tak lagi sama

kumemiliki rindu yang kau tidak mengetahuinya

karena kau terlalu lugu untuk mengetahuinya.

terlalu muda tuk memahaminya

kembali dalam kesendirian

menatap senja yang beranjak malam

berkawan laut, matahari, dan camar yang pulang

berharap Tuhan sampaikan rindu ini untuk mu

dia datang senja itu….

harum seperti angin yang membawa bau rumput sehabis hujan

tanpa kata, tanpa cerita.

membiusku dalam hipnotis yang indah

dia tersenyum senja itu

cantik, seperti camar putih yang terbang menuju pelangi

tanpa kata, tanpa cerita.

dalam iringan tetabuhan detak jantungku

dia menatapku senja itu….

hadirkan kehangatan dalam gerimis bandung yang dingin

seperti bintang, diantara gelap malam.

hempaskan keberanianku, walau hanya untuk menatapnya

Tuhan…katakan padanya,

bahwa dia begitu cantik senja itu…

satu lagi musim berlalu

melewati padang ilalang senja itu.

tanpa kata, …beranjak perlahan

meninggalkan kisah yang tak tertulis…

namun tersimpan dalam tarian ilalang senja…

berharap malam kan renggut semua sepi….

membawa pagi dalam cerita yang baru.

walau terbungkam….

ku masih bisa mendengarnya,

saat ilalang menari…..

saat ilalang berbisik…..

tentang kisah yang tak pernah pergi.

namun tersimpan erat dalam tarian ilalang senja…

kembali dalam persimpangan yang memabukkan.

meniti perjalanan dalam penantian.

sungguh tak mudah mengikuti jalan MU

mengikuti cara MU

mengikuti kasihMU ya Bapa

ku tak ingin menyakiti siapapun…

ku hanya ingin mengasihi.

dalam dunia kecil yang penuh damai…

ada tawa. kebahagiaan…bukan kesedihan dan keluh kesah.

pergumulan akan ketulusan seperti perang abadi.

tapi ku tahu…

Kau mencintaiku lebih dulu

Kau mengampuniku Lebih dulu

Kau mengasihiku lebih dulu…

bahkan Kau serahkan dirimu di atas kayu salib untuk selamatkan ku.

Ampuni aku yang masih gagal mengampuni

ampuni aku yang masih begumul dengan ketulusan

sentuh aku, genggam tanganku Bapa…

karena ku lebih memilih pulang kepada Mu…

dari pada nikmat yang memabukkan ini.

yang bukan dari pada MU.

waktu selalu diam membisu…….

Mamat belum makan, siang itu.

disudut kios tambal ban.

Matanya tak lepas dari Tv

lagi seorang calon raja berjanji membawa perubahan

seolah memiliki tangan Tuhan, untuk perbaiki bangsa ini.

mamat tertawa…

mamat terbahak…hingga air matanya menetes.

menatap kaus partai usang disudut jemuran.

satu janji yang tak pernah mereka tepati.

ketika semua ingin jadi Raja

ratusan juta rupiah menjadi atribut kampanye

lebih berharga dari pada ribuan piring kosong

tebar pesona pada perut perut yang lapar

seolah menjadi sosok yang paling bersih

mamat belum makan siang itu.

disudut kios tambal ban

menatap TV dan menanti.

seorang calon Raja yang berjanji….

Akan lebih banyak ban ban kempes di depan kiosnya.

*) foto :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Morpheus

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

(JOHN 3:16)

Tuhan……

ijin kan ku Pulang, kembali ke peluk Mu

menapaki hari bersama Mu

saat ini…hingga selamanya.

hidup di dalamMu

Tuhan…

beri ku kekuatan

untuk lebih menghargai darahMu, bilur Mu

atas kenikmatan dosa yang memabukkan

karena kekuatan MU lah yang ada

bukanku

amin

]]> http://narcistastrajingga.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/untukku/feed/ 0 narcist astrajingga http://narcistastrajingga.wordpress.com/2008/06/17/my-hero/ http://narcistastrajingga.wordpress.com/2008/06/17/my-hero/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:28:52 +0000 narcistastrajingga http://narcistastrajingga.wordpress.com/?p=80 ]]>

I am committed to the working for the best possible life for people everywhere. While it is not my intention to embarrass anyone or point fingers, I do want to ask, what is more embarrassing and shameful than a tragedy that could have been prevented. We have the tools and knowledge. We need the will. But more than anything else, we need action.!!! (SUKSMA RATRI)

She is not Robin Hood

she Just friend of mine, one years older than me.

but……………

she’s fearless female, whose a brave heart like SRIKANDI

Today 17th June 2008, she succeed to shocked me with her Speech in front of General Secretary UNITED NATION.

below is her Speech in UN Headquarter, New York City, Tuesday – 10 June 2008

http://www.un.org/webcast/aidsmeeting2008/index.asp

Your Excellencies, President of the General Assembly, Secretary General, Honorable Delegates and my dear fellow community members.

I stand before you as a woman from Asia Pacific, where women’s highest risk for HIV infection is through marriage.

For more than twenty five years now, we have known how HIV is transmitted and can be prevented, but some governments still believe that they can protect their country from HIV by stopping “non-nationals infected with HIV” from entering their country.

Attitudes and policies such as these will not contribute to reaching the goal of Universal Access; it will however contribute to increased stigma and discrimination of people living with HIV.

Yet, your countries have committed to the goal of Universal Access by 2010. So we are halfway there and I ask, “How strong do you hold that commitment?

In my region, experts say there is a “concentrated” epidemic. By that they mean HIV is contained within marginalized and vulnerable groups such as drug users, sex workers, gay men, Men Who Have Sex with Men; many of whom are married, transgenders, migrant workers, prisoners and even refugees who are being infected with HIV at a higher rate. Yet they are often denied or have limited access to HIV Prevention, Treatment, Care and Support.

I ask you, “why?” Are we not all human and deserving of the same rights and treatment?

These communities are not only at a higher risk of HIV in Asia, it is the same everywhere. If you allow one group to become infected with HIV, you will never stop the epidemic. Isn’t that the lesson we have learned?

In fact the epidemic is moving out of concentrated groups into the general population. Look at the increasing rates of infection among women, children and youth. This is where you can see the effect of falsely believing that HIV will remain isolated among certain groups.

These groups need services that are sensitive to their needs, supported with adequate finances and resources. Instead, many countries have criminalized behaviors that push people underground and make them afraid to come forward to receive proper prevention and treatment.

As the Honorable UN Secretary General, Mr. Ban Ki Moon, recently noted, and I quote “We must guard against legislation that blocks universal access by criminalizing the lifestyles of vulnerable groups. We have to find ways to reach out to sex workers, men who have sex with men and drug users, ensuring that they have what they need to protect themselves.” End quote.

Here, communities, NGOs and people living with HIV can complement and build upon your efforts. You cannot do it alone. We have to work hand in hand together! Here are some recommendations:

u Decriminalize behaviors associated with risk of HIV that are targeted at specific groups.

u Eliminate mandatory testing of migrant workers and travel restrictions of people living with HIV.

u Pass enabling laws that make it easier to get the right prevention method to people who need them, especially clean needles to drug users and condoms to sex workers and their clients.

u Stop treating HIV as a separate issue: link the UNGASS on HIV with the UNGASS on drugs; integrate reproductive health, gender and human rights into HIV prevention and address co-infection of Hepatitis C and TB with urgent prevention and treatment responses.

u Make treatment affordable and easy to access for all. Explore exercising the TRIPS Flexibility such as compulsory licenses for HIV, Hepatitis C, TB and other essential medicines.

u And let us, the Community, sit at the table and make decisions with you.

I am also a Person Living With HIV, and by revealing my HIV status publicly, I am taking a risk of being banned from entering this country and over seventy other countries around the world.

When I found out about my HIV status in 2006, it was thought in my country that only Sex Workers and Drug users got infected. I am neither. But really what does it matter how I got infected?

As a woman living with HIV, I could be accused of bringing HIV into my home, beaten for something I didn’t do, stripped of any inheritance rights and thrown out in the streets because of a health condition.

As a woman I need my human rights respected as well as my rights to property and inheritance, I need protection against domestic and sexual violence, I need to be able to manage and control all matters related to my sexuality and reproductive health. As a Person Living with HIV I need equal access to prevention, treatment, care and support. As a mother I ask this not only for myself but for my daughter and future generations.

In closing, I am committed to the working for the best possible life for people everywhere. While it is not my intention to embarrass anyone or point fingers, I do want to ask, what is more embarrassing and shameful than a tragedy that could have been prevented. We have the tools and knowledge. We need the will. But more than anything else, we need action.!!!

Keep your promise and renew your commitment of Universal Access by 2010. To not do so would mean to condemn many people living with HIV, like myself, to unnecessary pain, suffering and… even death. I will honor my commitment and so I ask. Will you honor yours?

Yes she is positive. http://narcistqueen.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html

but she doesn’t give up

she reacted positively when she knows that she’s infected.

she’s taking a risk being banned from entering US country and others countries just to fight the right.

Not only her right, her family right, but others people around the world Right.

she is not Robin hood

she’s just a friend of mine. my best friend

but she doesn’t sit and sorry her self

She fight for changes and standing still

HIV is not strong enough to beat her.

she’s unbreakable.

She’s Indonesia SRIKANDI

and I’m proud to be her friend

even she’s not Robin Hood

but she’s my hero…….

pagi itu ketika BBM naik………

chika anakku, menanti air yang mengucur kecil di kran air kamar mandi, karena harus berbagi dengan 10 kepala keluarga di asrama kepolisian di sudut Jakarta.

“Papa kapan kita jalan ke Mall lagi?”

“Nanti sayang, kalau papa sudah punya uang”, jawabku sambil menatap bola matanya yang cantik.

sementara Istriku menghantarkan secangkir air putih.

“Gas habis mas, sekarang susah di cari.” bisiknya lirih.

Ku bergegas mandi tanpa Kopi.

pagi itu ketika BBM naik……..

Chika bermain dengan bonekanya yang sudah kumal.

“Papa mau jaga demo lagi ya ?”

“Nanti Papa Masuk Tv ? atau cuma kakak kakak Mahasiswa yang Masuk Tv?

aku hanya membalasnya dengan senyum getir.

Lastri Istriku menatap khawatir, ” Sampai kapan mereka demo Mas?”

” Entah lah dik” jawabku datar

” Hati hati mas, kulihat di Tv mereka lempari bom molotov”, serunya pelan.

ada ketakutan di matanya, seperti ketakutan di hatiku

“Hutang kita di warung depan sudah banyak mas, dan harga harga sudah naik.”

” Kita bayar saat terima gaji ya dik,”

Siang Itu ketika BBM Naik………

Mahasiswa marah dan semakin marah

mereka memblokir jalan dan membakar Ban

Matahari menyengat membakar kepala.

kucoba untuk tidak terpancing

walau ku marah karena kami di lempari batu

“Apa salahku ?” gumamku

“Bukan aku yang naikan BBM. kenapa Aku yang kalian lempari?”

“Tidak mengertikah kalian , bahwa aku disini hanya menjalankan Tugas”

“sama seperti kalian, aku pun kepanasan, kami pun lapar”

” Sama seperti kalian, aku pun mersakan naiknya harga harga”

“tugasku mengamankan jalannya demonstrasi agar tidak merusak”

“tugas kalian adalah meneriakkan suara nurani, suara moral, suara kaum yang terpelajar”

“Jangan lempari Kami dengan batu”

“Kami bukan Musuh Kalian”

sebuah batu melayang tepat ke wajahku

gelap,….

gelap,..

sepi,…

dalam gelap kulihat Chika bermain di padang rumput hijau

dalam gelap kulihat Lastri tersenyum cantik,

begitu cantik

begitu damai.

begitu tenang.

Sore Itu ketika BBM naik……..

empat jahitan di pelipis kiriku

dalam perjalanan pulang.

terbayang wajah lastri tersenyum manis…….

“Gas habis mas, sekarang susah di cari.” bisiknya lirih.

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Jesus Christ)

biar malam segera pergi

tinggalkan luka yang kita buat bersama

terlalu pengecut hadapi bujukan dosa

takutku akan Mu bawa ku pergi

atas segala berkatMu untuk ku

atas segala kasihMu untuk ku

atas segala Cinta Mu untuk ku

atas segala darah Mu untuk ku

ku pilih tinggalkan malam yang masih muda

untuk pulang ke pada MU…..

]]> http://narcistastrajingga.wordpress.com/2008/05/26/kupilih/feed/ 5 narcist astrajingga